☆ ☆ Utapri Week - Day 3 ☆ ☆

Character you identify with most:

☆ ☆ Aine Kisaragi || The Sleeping Prince  || 如月 愛音  ☆ ☆

tldr; this got deleted once by accident but i managed to rewrite it. (it was originally about 1k words cries) all i wanna say being aine’s roleplayer for 2+ years and the journey to come and understand him… ALL I WANT IS AINE TO BE HAPPY AND HEALTHY AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AINE THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING

now on to the story of how i started roleplaying him and why I identify with him a lot…

Out of all the characters I’ve roleplayed, only a few have stuck by with me. The one who really, really captivated my roleplayer spirit was Aine Kisaragi. About two years ago, I learned about him on a whim when I was just getting into Utapri because Ai was an interesting character. I felt captivated by the mysteriousness of Aine’s character and wanted to learn more about him.

So I did and learning about his backstory made me sad. The pressure that he felt to reach his dream and fulfill expectations was relatable to me. Under more intense circumstances, I would have probably been in the same position as him a few years ago. I pitied him and decided to try roleplaying him even though I didn’t know his personality or quirks. But I wanted to roleplay him to wake up and become happy.

Because I didn’t know his personality, I had a tough time roleplaying him, trying to experiment different personalities based on his background. I made some mistakes in the beginning being short of my assumptions so I spent a lot of time researching about him. Slowly, I started adding layers to his character based on more information I found. I analyzed characters who associated with him as well as character who were like him (like Tokiya). I kept adding more and more to his personality, his feelings, and his flaws.

When I decided to play the games, with only rough summaries to guide me, I finally truly understood how much pain he was in. I heard his voice in two different ways– the gentle sounding one in the beginning of Ai’s route who spoke about the love he had for singing… and the pained, harsh voice who almost screamed to be left alone. It moved me and also broke my heart for him. He loved singing so much, but he was so hurt from that experience he wanted to be left alone, to not feel anything in his coma. Listening to these two different sides of him made him so real to me. And what’s more I came to a realization that his future was unsteady if he woke up.

-It was almost impossible for him to be an idol again and reach his dream.

-His friends have already moved ahead of him while he was in his coma.

-His existence was almost essentially replaced by Ai.

My goal of roleplaying him to become happy wasn’t out of pity anymore. I made it my personal mission to find the answer to his happiness. I wanted to mend his wings for him to fly again, even if it wasn’t as high as before. After roleplaying him for a while, I felt he did have the inner strength to come to terms about his life. Overcoming his challenges and having many important interactions, brought me closer to the answer. And I felt that also inspired me to move forward in my own life as well, to face my problems and embrace the past for the future.

Essentially, he wasn’t just a roleplay muse to me anymore. He was my literal muse of inspiration.

What made me the happiest was when After Secret came out, and they gave more insight about him. I felt really accomplished and happy my interpretation of him was very close. And I broke into tears seeing him for the first time, in a CG with Reiji and his friends, smiling. After playing Reiji’s route and translating Reiji’s memorial, I also understood how much he treasured his bonds in the past, and still now in the present.

All I want now in the future for canon is for Aine and Reiji to meet again, but this time face to face with big smiles. And I want him to sing freely again, without holding back.

Thank you for letting me meet you, Aine. You changed my life and inspired me.

Tagged as: #utapriweek2016 #utapri #kisaragi aine #aine kisaragi #FINALLY THIS IS DONE I WAS SO FRUSTRATED IT WAS DELETED THE FIRST TIME}} #*sheds a lot of tears and dabs*}} #PLEASE DO READ ILU IF YOU DO}} #i suffer writing about aine on a constant basis}} #outofdreams