“Was there something you wanted to say to me…?”

“You told me once you entered Saotome Gakuen you would tell me, Aine-kun!” my childhood friend pouted at me, waving her hand to get back my attention. I blinked, realizing I had lost attention to the conversation and was absentmindedly spooning my melted sea salt ice cream.

“Ah, sorry, I was thinking,” I hastily apologized, taking a bite out of my dessert. She just sighed back at me and grabbed a spoonful of her vanilla ice cream.

“You’re always thinking about something, Aine-kun. Your brain’s going to explode one day.”

“Well, that would seem very unpleasant, wouldn’t it?” I chuckled slightly. She was still pouting, but her lips curved into a small smile and giggled. I found that quite cute of her. Everything is cute about her, especially to the way she changes her emotions quickly yet to the fullest extent.

“So you do joke after all, Aine-kun,” she huffed again, and tossed her hair over her shoulders “Well, now that I got your attention, what did you wanted to say to me?”

I hesitated, almost dropping my spoon. She looked at me with such honest, inquiring eyes.

There was something I wanted to say to her.

~~~

She was a blessing to me; comfort who had arrived in a form of a girl, who lived next door to Hakase. I was only nine when I lost my parents and moved in with Hakase. Although I loved Uncle Hakase, he was too busy for me. I spent my days crying alone, angry and sad at the world that took away my parents.

“Are you… crying?”

She appeared in front of my sniveling self, tightly clenching on to my teddy bear. The girl only smiled softly at me and gave me a hug.

“It will be alright.”

~~~

“Aine-chan! Did you know there’s a beach nearby?” she hummed, skipping on the sidewalk. I walked beside her, putting on my backpack as we walked home from practice after school.

“Ah, no I didn’t!” I blinked at her, surprised. 

“Do you want to go? There’s something I want to teach you!”

“But it’s getting dark… Uncle will worry.”

“It’s for a little bit, Aine-chan! Besides, the stars will be really pretty!” Taking my hand, she ran forward pulling me.

Her hand… was really warm.

~~~

“If you yell your dream really loudly to the ocean, someday it might come true! Try it!” she giggled at me. I looked at her and the beckoning waves, puzzled.

“Me? Try it?”

“Of course silly! Go yell something Aine-chan!”

“O-okay… MR.OCEAN!” I called out loudly to the waves. She stood beside me, nodding in encouragement.

“I… My NAME IS KISARAGI AINE AND I WANT TO MAKE MUSIC… LIKE MY PARENTS DID…!”

“I WANT TO HELP AINE-CHAN!” Startled, I turned and stared at her and she smiled kindly at me. “Because you’re my special friend!”

I smiled back at her and turned to face the ocean.

“MR. OCEAN, I WANT TO MAKE THE BEST MUSIC EVER!”

For her, the most important person in my life.

~~~

“EH?!! YOU’RE APPLYING FOR SAOTOME GAKUEN?!” she gaped at me, while we stood on the sand, in front of the water. We were high school students, ready to graduate.

“Yes, I’m applying for Saotome Gakuen. The entrance exams are this winter,” I informed her, smiling widely. She was beautiful; the floral pattern dress was befitting of her lovely form.

“I hope you pass, Aine-kun!”

“I will. But some reassurance will do me good.” I turned to face the beautiful water I never get tired of seeing.

“MR. OCEAN! PLEASE LET ME GET INTO SAOTOME GAKUEN!” I yelled out as loud as I could and bowed to the ocean. I felt a tender hand touch my shoulder, and looked up to see her smile.

“Aine, you didn’t have to yell to the ocean. Even without Mr.Ocean, you still can get in your own.”

“I felt… it was important to. Because if I get in… I want to tell you something important.”

“Important? What do you want to tell me, Aine-kun?” she asked, tilting her head.

“I’ll tell you when I get in Saotome, after the first weekend of school. Okay?”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

~~~

Entering Saotome was like a hurricane that collided with my life. I entered in with high passing scores and landed myself in the A Class. Already in the first week, I grew attached to new friends: Kotobuki Reiji, Onpa Kei, and Hibiki. They were a lively, yet intelligent bunch who shared the similar dreams and ambitions I had. I chose to put myself on the track of an idol, wanting to make beautiful music like my parents had. Something to forever remember my parents and the sadness I felt when I lost them.

I also wanted for her to listen to the dream she gave me. To listen to the feelings that bubbled in my heart for her. She was my star and angel; the precious someone I held the closest to my heart since we met. And I wanted to declare to the world in my songs, that I loved her.

By becoming an idol, I would be the person worthy enough to tell her.

But sadly, I made a terrible discovery when I entered Saotome Gakuen. Idols were not allowed to fall in love.

I was forced to pick between two choices: to forsake my dream or to forsake my love.

~~~

“Aine-kun…?” she repeated, as we walked out of the ice cream shop to go to the beach. I closed my eyes and kicked off my shoes, feeling the sand underneath my toes. We ran towards the shore line and sat down.

“…I wanted to say thank you for being there for me since we were nine,” I murmured gently, patting her head. She blushed, but nodded, looking at me expectantly.

“Yeah…”

“And you’ll always be a special friend to me.” I saw it. I saw right then and there she widened her eyes at what I said and looked at me in distress, before hiding it with a fake smile.

“You’re a special friend to me too, Aine-kun!” she giggled, “Friends… forever!”

When we watched the stars on the beach tonight, my heart pained so much holding on to the words I couldn’t say to her. When she left to go home, I screamed out all my feelings to the ocean and only to the ocean.

I love you.

I love you forever.

You are dear to me.

I wish I had told her everything, but I chose my dream. Silence is painful.

~~~

A year after, the song I wrote and sang to debut from Saotome Gakuen, was Negai Hoshi, my one and only masterpiece.

“My right shoulder and your left shoulder

Are lined up to keep us from being separated

A different wish in the same painful way

I want to tell you, but it won’t reach

The words I cannot voice

I’m still holding on to them

Under the starry sky”

It still hurts holding these feelings to this day.

Tagged as: #drabble